How do I handle a child who is upset about losing a party game?

What to say when a child gets upset after losing

A child loses a round, starts crying or refuses to play, and the other guests wait to see what you'll do. Keep your first line simple: "Let's take a break from this one." Say it quietly. The whole group doesn't need to wait through a talk about sportsmanship.

If another adult has agreed to watch the group, step a few paces away with the child and offer them somewhere nearby to sit. Make it a break from the game, not a public timeout. If you're hosting alone, pause the game and stay where you can see the other children rather than taking the upset child into another room.

If you're hosting alone, plan beforehand how you'll keep everyone together if one child needs you, such as having a quieter activity ready in the same room. Hosting a children's party without a co-host covers preparing for this.

You could go on: "Would you like to sit here with me or watch this round? You can join the next round when you're ready." Only offer choices you can actually provide. The child doesn't have to explain why they're upset before they take a break.

If game pieces are being grabbed or thrown, say what you see: "I won't let you throw the game pieces. We're putting them down and taking a break." Pause the game and put the shared pieces to one side. The child can still be upset while you stop the game and offer a break. If you need help, bring in the child's parent or a helper who has agreed to help.

Being upset about losing is normal, but throwing pieces or an argument between children needs a different response. Decide ahead which calmer activity you'll switch to. When party games become rough or guests argue explains next steps.

How to keep the other children playing

No set number of minutes tells you how long a child needs to calm down. Go by the help you have and what's happening in the room, and don't rush to restart.

• Pause long enough to deal with the upset. Offer the break, put aside any pieces being thrown or grabbed, and tell the group, "We're pausing for a moment."
• Check who is helping whom. If another adult has agreed to stay with the child, ask them directly to take over. Once they say yes, you can lead the rest of the group. If you're alone, keep everyone together for a quieter activity while you check in.
• Give the group something they already know. Repeat a round they understand or start a simple activity everyone does together. Don't try to explain a complicated new game while you're also helping the upset child.
• Give the upset child a way back in at the next natural pause. Ask, "Would you like to play this round or watch?" They can sit out without everyone talking about why.

It's easier if you agree before the party who supports an upset child and who stays with the group, so nobody has to decide on the spot. If no one can take over, pause the activity. Agreeing on parents' roles during a party covers this.

Three ways to change the next round

Explain any change before anyone starts. Don't change a result that's already in just because someone is upset. Children should know what counts while they're playing. These changes give the group another way to play, but they can't promise that nobody will get upset.

Before restarting, decide how the next round is scored and how it ends, including whether tied players share the win. Rules like this can reduce disputes but won't stop every upset. Keeping party games from getting too competitive covers more.

Example: a beanbag toss that goes wrong

This is an illustrative example, not a script you have to follow. Six children are taking turns throwing beanbags into a basket. One child misses, sees that another child is ahead, throws a beanbag across the room and starts to cry.

You say quietly, "I won't let you throw the beanbags. We're putting them down and taking a break." You gather the beanbags and tell the group, "We're pausing for a moment." Another parent has already agreed to help, so you ask directly, "Could you sit with the others for a minute?" Once they say yes, you sit with the upset child somewhere nearby.

While the helper leads a round of something the children already know, you ask, "Would you like to sit here with me or watch?" The child chooses to watch.

Before the next toss you tell everyone, "This time, we're adding everyone's throws together." You give each child the same number of turns and count the group's total. At the start of the round you ask the child, "Would you like to play this round or watch?" Whichever they choose, the game goes on.

For a later round, you could also change the target distance for everyone, announced before starting so no one child is singled out. Planning a sports party for different skill levels offers other adjustments.

If they had chosen to keep watching, that would be fine too. Later, you tell their parent what happened, in plain words.

What if the child is upset about something else?

Losing may be only part of what's bothering the child. They might be hungry, tired or just ready to stop playing. Don't assume a rough day or some other problem is the cause.

When they're ready to answer, ask a small question: "Would you like a snack, a quiet activity or another try?" If they aren't sure, let them watch for a while, and check with their parent about what would help. Another round doesn't have to be the only option.

If snacks are part of the party, offer the food you've planned rather than promising a meal you aren't serving. A snack or a break is an option, not a sure fix for disappointment.

Talking with the child and their parent afterward

Talk privately with the upset child's parent and tell them what you saw and what happened next. For an ordinary difficult round, you might say: "They were upset after losing and sat out a round with me. They joined the next game." Only say the last part if they actually did.

If a piece was thrown, say so plainly: "They threw a game piece after the round. We paused, put the pieces aside and took a break." Then say how things are now. Don't say "all good now" if the child is still upset or something else is still going on.

If the winner teased another child, you could tell their parent: "After the game, they teased another child about losing. I asked them to stop." If their child was affected by someone else's outburst, tell them that instead. Winning by itself doesn't call for an apology or a talk with a parent.

If teasing turns into an actual conflict between two children, pause the game and give them space, with another adult watching the group. For a disagreement that isn't physical, listen to each child once they're calm. If it turns physical, keeps repeating or a child won't settle, call a parent. De-escalating a conflict between young guests covers these steps.

Don't call the child "a sore loser," and don't ask the group to retell what happened. If you need a parent's help during the party, ask for it then. You don't have to wait until pickup.

Checklist before the next round

Use this quick check once things have calmed down enough to decide what to do next.

• Ask the child privately whether they want to play, watch or take a longer break. The others can carry on whether or not they rejoin.
• Explain any new scoring, team or turn rule before you hand out the pieces.
• Collect and check the shared pieces, and say who goes next.
• Decide whether a parent needs to know what happened or whether you need help right now. If another child was involved, talk to their parent separately and stick to what happened.

If you're changing teams, choose a fair method and decide turn order before handing out pieces. Only think about prizes if you're using them. Running fair team games covers explaining turns, scoring and how a game ends.

Sources and further reading

• How to Handle Sore Losers During Party Games

Related questions

• How do I keep party games from getting too competitive?
• What party games work for quieter guests or a quieter room?
• How do I run fair team games and choose prizes?
• What should I do if a party game is not working?