How do you play This or That with different age groups?
Quick answer: Read out two choices and have everyone pick one at the same time. They can answer aloud, show a hand signal or move to one side of the room. Explanations are optional, and anyone can pass. Adjust the questions to the group. Young children do best with short pairs of familiar objects and activities. Teens need real tradeoffs and a relaxed pace. Adults and couples can use everyday-life choices. For a party round, try ten to fifteen pairs, and stop early if the group is ready for something else.
The basic rules: turns, choices, reasons and passes
This or That needs no teams, points or equipment. One person reads two options, such as headphones or a room speaker. Everyone then picks one. You can use the same rules with two players or with a whole room. You don't need equal numbers on each side.
Having everyone answer at once keeps people from copying the first answer they hear. Count down from three. Then players point, raise a hand or move to a marked side of the room. If everyone is seated, hand signals are enough. For example, one finger means the first option and two fingers mean the second.
Reasons are welcome but never required. If someone wants to explain, hear one short reason from a volunteer on each side, then read the next pair. The reader can answer too, and the reading turn can move to another willing player after a few questions. Nobody has to read aloud to take part.
- Read both options before anyone votes.
- Count down from three so everyone answers together.
- Invite one short reason from each side if anyone wants to give one.
- Allow both, neither or a pass without asking why.
- Pass the reading turn to another willing player now and then.
- Stop while people still want to talk.
How do you get players to answer at the same time?
Quick answer: Count down from three. Then everyone points, raises a hand or moves to one of two sides of the room. For a seated group, hand signals are enough.
Agree on the signal before the first question so nobody hesitates. Moving to sides of the room gives a lively group a chance to get up. Hand signals work better around a table or in a car.
Should players explain every choice?
Quick answer: No. Invite a short reason when someone wants to share one. One volunteer from each side is enough before you move on to the next question.
Requiring reasons slows the game down and can put quieter guests on the spot. A quick reason now and then gives the group something to talk about without making it feel like a debate.
What if someone wants both options, neither, or a third choice?
Quick answer: Let them choose both or neither, or pass. If you want to keep turns quick, you can also ask them to pick the less impossible option. Don't turn it into a debate about whether they are playing correctly.
Keeping to two options makes each turn quick, but nobody has to defend an answer they don't feel. You can invite the player to suggest a better pair for the next turn. They don't owe the group a replacement, though.
How to adjust the game for kids, teens and adults
The rules stay the same. What changes are the questions, the pace and how much discussion you invite. Use the notes below as a starting point, and preview any list before playing with a particular group.
| Group | What tends to work | Things to watch |
|---|---|---|
| Young children (about 5 and up) | Read pairs of familiar objects and activities aloud. Answer by speaking, pointing or moving to a marked area. Keep the pace quick. | Explain any unfamiliar words. Stop when the children are ready for something else. |
| Families and mixed groups (ages 10 and up) | Use general or funny pairs, including absurd choices that aren't about anyone in the room. | Simplify or skip thoughtful tradeoffs that younger children don't understand. |
| Teens | Ask about music, media, free time, school and the future. Let teens choose the format and keep the pace relaxed. | Avoid exaggerated voices, required explanations and scoring every answer. |
| Couples and adults | Ask about dates, home life, travel, communication habits and future preferences. | Everyone answers for themselves. Matching answers don't produce a score. |
How do you play This or That with kids?
Quick answer: Read two choices aloud and let children answer out loud, point to a side or move to a marked area. Keep the pace quick and explanations optional. The kids' list uses objects and activities most children aged five and older recognize. The general list is labeled Family Clean and works best for ages 10 and up, so simplify or skip tradeoffs younger children don't understand.
The kids' list uses objects and activities that most children aged five and older recognize. Explain an unfamiliar word when needed. The general list is labeled Family Clean and works best for ages 10 and up. With younger children, simplify or skip any tradeoffs they don't understand, or use the kids' list instead.
How do you keep the game from feeling childish for teens?
Quick answer: Let teens choose the format, keep the pace relaxed and use questions with real tradeoffs. Avoid exaggerated voices, required explanations and scoring every answer.
Use your normal voice. Don't add slang or turn each answer into a performance. If younger siblings join in, choose pairs from the kids' list that everyone understands.
How do couples play This or That, and are the couples questions explicit?
Quick answer: One partner reads both choices and both partners answer at the same time. Compare reasons when your answers differ. Several couples can play together as long as each person answers individually instead of guessing what their partner would pick. The couples' list isn't explicit; it covers dates, home life, travel, communication habits and future preferences. If an answer gives you a good idea, save it for later and keep playing.
The couples' list sticks to everyday topics: dates, home life, travel, communication habits and future preferences. If an answer gives you a good idea, save it as a future date, home or travel idea and keep playing. Not every answer needs to become a planning meeting.
Do matching answers mean a couple is more compatible?
Quick answer: No. The game has no compatibility score. Matching answers mean you picked the same option, and different answers give you something to talk about.
Treat differences as conversation starters, not as problems to solve during the game.
Choosing questions that suit your group
With guests who don't know each other well, start with easy everyday choices. School and schedule pairs fit a classroom or youth group. Questions about the future and independence suit a group that wants more time to talk. They can be answered as imagined preferences, so nobody needs a job, a car or a settled plan.
If you write your own pairs, give two clear choices with no correct answer. For teens, avoid romance, bodies, money at home, substances, mental health and social ranking. Keep money questions hypothetical. Don't ask players what their family can afford.
Can This or That work as a teen icebreaker?
Quick answer: Yes. Start with music, media or free-time choices. They lead to easy follow-up conversation without asking for private details.
Pairs like headphones versus a room speaker give teens who have just met something familiar to react to. Stop once the conversation carries on by itself.
What makes a This or That question funny, and are funny questions clean for families?
Quick answer: A funny question gives players two clear, ridiculous options and lets them explain their choice without making anyone in the group the joke. The funny list is written as absurd, impersonal choices and is rated Family Clean for ages 10 and up, but adults should still choose the prompts that fit their group.
Because the jokes are in the options rather than about the players, nobody has to share anything personal. If a prompt doesn't suit the people in the room, skip it.
How is This or That different from Would You Rather?
Quick answer: This or That usually offers short choices between nouns or activities for a quick preference check. Would You Rather usually describes a full situation, consequence or harder tradeoff that invites longer reasoning. Some questions fit either format.
If your group wants longer imaginary dilemmas, switch to Would You Rather. If they want quick reactions and lots of turns, stay with This or That.
Are these questions suitable for school or youth groups, and how can teachers use them?
Quick answer: The teen list is labeled party-clean and avoids romance, gossip, substances and personal confessions. A leader should still preview the questions for their specific group. Teachers can use a single pair for attendance, a brain break, a graphing activity or a movement transition, without keeping score when the goal is connection.
Party-clean describes the questions themselves. It doesn't mean every school, travel or work question will suit every player. Skip a question, such as one about lockers or parking, if it doesn't fit the group's school or age. In a classroom, one pair at a time is enough, and scorekeeping can be left out when the aim is getting to know each other.
Example: a teen round at a birthday party
This is an illustrative example, not a fixed script. Six teens are sitting in a living room. The host says: "I'll read two choices, then count down from three. Show one finger for the first option or two for the second. You can choose both, neither or pass. If you want to explain, we'll hear a quick reason before the next one."
The host reads: "A planned weekend or an open schedule?" After the countdown, four players show one finger and two show two. One player says, "I like knowing when I'm seeing my friends." A player from the other side gives a short reason too, and the host reads the next pair.
After a few music and media questions, another teen offers to read and switches to free-time questions. One pair about a competitive game night versus a cooperative challenge gets people talking about what to play next. The host lets that conversation run and wraps up the round after about ten pairs instead of fifteen. There are no points, winners or tie-breakers.
If the group wants another game after that conversation, these question games for teens offer several formats. Read from one group of prompts for a particular game, or draw a random prompt and use the format it calls for. Letting the conversation carry on without another game is also fine.
Playing with two people, a large group or on the road
Two people can compare answers directly. A larger group can vote with hand signals or move between two sides of the room, and the sides don't need to be equal. In a small seated space, hand signals keep everyone in their seats. If you have room for players to move, assign each side of the room to an option.
Voting at the same time works well for big groups, but other games in the same session may need more planning to avoid long waits. Our page on which party games work for your group size covers assigning a helper to each station or heat, if you use them. This or That itself doesn't need teams.
Can two teens play This or That without a larger group?
Quick answer: Yes. This or That works with two people or a larger group, and you don't need teams or equal-sized sides. Two people can compare answers, while a larger group can vote or move between two sides of the room. For two teens, take turns reading pairs, answer at the same time and compare a reason if you want to. Switch to a different topic after a few turns so neither person picks every question. You don't need to keep score.
Changing topics now and then gives both people a say in what you discuss.
Can you play This or That on a road trip?
Quick answer: Yes. Passengers can take turns reading questions and answering aloud. The driver should keep their attention on driving and shouldn't use the picker or read questions while driving.
If passengers want a change from This or That, these car games for the next drive offer forty options in four groups: five-minute games, window spotting, word play and quiet rounds. A quiet round can suit a stretch when people want less chatter, and spotting games work when passengers are watching the view.
Keep the game among the passengers, who handle all the reading and answering.
If anyone feels queasy looking down, choose a spoken game such as a memory chain or story relay rather than a window-spotting game. Keep any score out loud while moving and save written tallies, drawing and photos for a stop. Our answer on what games passengers can play on a road trip covers those choices.
Keeping debates friendly and knowing when to stop
A lively split is part of the fun, but nobody should feel they have to defend their preferences. Choosing a different playlist or weekend plan doesn't need a winner. If teasing starts, hear one short reason from each side and move on to the next pair.
How do I stop a lively choice from becoming an argument?
Quick answer: Give each side one short chance to explain, then read the next pair. If one topic keeps producing personal comments, move to another category instead of asking anyone to defend themselves.
Remind players there's no right answer. Changing the topic is usually easier than trying to settle the disagreement.
How many This or That questions fill a party round?
Quick answer: Try ten to fifteen pairs. Use fewer if a question starts a real conversation, the group wants to compare reasons or children are ready for something else. Save the rest for later.
For guests who have just met, use the game as a short opener and stop once the conversation carries on by itself. If everyone wants another round, change topics and offer the reading turn to someone else.
If This or That doesn't suit your group, another opening activity may work better. These icebreaker games that make conversation easier include a question menu and other ways to get people talking. Whatever you choose, stop once the conversation takes over.
Quick checklist before you start
- Pick a list that suits the ages present and preview it.
- Choose how players will answer: aloud, hand signals or sides of the room.
- Tell players that both, neither and passing are all allowed.
- Plan to hear one short reason per side at most.
- Have a different topic ready in case a question falls flat.
- Plan roughly ten to fifteen pairs, and be ready to stop earlier.