What phone rules should we agree on for a teen party?

Decide where phones go and when they come back

Talk with your teen before the invitations go out. Decide whether phones stay away for the whole gathering or only during particular activities, such as a movie, a meal or games. Pick a clear end point, like after the movie, when the games finish or when guests start getting ready for pickup. A vague 'phones away for a while' tends to cause arguments, while a named time is easy to follow.

A labelled basket near the entrance gives phones an obvious place to go. Put it somewhere guests can reach their own phone without having to ask in front of everyone. Make sure the phone arrangement fits your other house rules too, such as which rooms guests can use and which adult is around to help.

Have something ready for guests to do once their phones are put away. A seated guessing game or a vote on snacks works without personal phones. If you plan a game that uses phones, tell guests when the phones come out and when they go back in the basket.

Let guests contact a parent at any time

Whatever else you decide, the basket should never stop a guest from getting in touch with home. Tell guests they can take their own phone whenever they need to call or message a parent. They can step aside for the conversation and don't have to say what it's about.

If a guest needs to keep their phone with them for a reason, agree on that before the party, privately. Don't ask a guest to explain a personal need in front of their friends.

The RSVP is a natural point to raise this. Asking for the right details in a party RSVP, such as the best number to reach the family, lets you follow up privately about a phone need without asking for explanations on a shared invitation or guest list.

Tell guests about the rule before the party

Mention the phone rule on the invitation so it doesn't come as a surprise at the door. Give parents the same details, along with your contact number and the party's start and finish times.

Here is an example you can change to suit your plans: 'We're putting phones in a labelled basket while we hang out. You can get yours whenever you need to call or message a parent. Please save posts until after the party, and ask anyone pictured before sharing or tagging them. Let us know beforehand if you need to keep your phone with you so we can agree on an arrangement.'

If phones only go away during a movie or game, swap 'while we hang out' for that activity. For a sleepover, add the time phones go away in the evening and the time they come back in the morning. Keep the call-home exception in every version.

For an overnight party, sleepover invitation wording can hold both phone times, the evening hand-in and the morning return, along with the host's phone number for the evening and overnight. Keep the line saying guests can always contact home.

When guests arrive, point out the basket and mention the exception once. Something like 'Phones go here during the games. You can get yours to contact a parent whenever you need to' is enough. Then welcome them into whatever's going on. You could also leave a note next to the basket: 'Phones here while we hang out. Get yours whenever you need to contact a parent. Please save posts until after the party and ask before sharing photos of anyone.'

Agree on photos, posting and tagging

Taking a photo, posting it and tagging someone are three separate decisions. Asking guests to save posts until after the party gives everyone time together without live updates. It doesn't settle who has agreed to appear online, though.

Permission is a separate step from timing. Handling party photos and guests' permission means checking who agrees to each kind of sharing, including family permission where it applies. Printed photos or a memory box are ways to keep the day without posting at all.

The host can still take photos to keep. Tell guests who will be taking pictures, ask before including someone and let anyone stay out of a shot. The same sharing rule applies to the host and parents as to guests: a photo being on the host's phone doesn't mean it's fine to post.

Photos you keep for the family don't have to go online. Before you treat them as private, check where the recording phone saves pictures and whether it uploads a copy automatically. Then confirm who can open any album those copies reach. Changing a setting later doesn't undo earlier uploads. The guide to keeping birthday memories without posting covers these checks.

You could say: 'I'll take a few photos later if people want to join in. You can skip them. Please don't post or tag anyone without asking them first.' If photos are part of the celebration, choose a set moment for them, such as the cake or a game, so you're not stopping every activity for another picture.

A photo corner can be the set moment, if guests want one. Running photo-booth activities without social posts can include jobs like holding props or choosing backdrops for anyone who'd rather not be photographed, with the sharing plan agreed beforehand.

What to do if a guest won't put their phone away

Start by asking privately: 'Do you need to contact someone?' If they are using the call-home exception, there's nothing more to say.

If they're just scrolling, a quiet 'Basket's right there, whenever you're ready' is a gentle first reminder. If they carry on, be clear: 'We're keeping phones away during this game. Please put yours in the basket, or tell me if you need it for something.'

Decide with your teen beforehand who will step in if a guest still refuses. Your teen can ask a parent to talk to the guest privately so they don't have to argue with a friend in front of everyone. The parent can listen to what the guest needs and confirm whether the usual rule or an agreed exception applies. Don't ask the group to comment, and don't turn the reminder into a joke about the guest.

Name that adult when you agree the house rules, so your teen knows who to ask. Planning teen party rules and adult supervision ahead also lets you tell guests about household rules before they arrive, which makes a private reminder easier.

Handing phones back at pickup or after a sleepover

For a party that ends the same day, give phones back while guests are collecting their things for pickup. Let someone take theirs earlier if they need to confirm a ride or contact home. Include the phone return time in your drop-off and pickup plans so it's part of leaving, not one more thing to negotiate.

Put phones away when one activity ends and the next begins. Pick an activity the guests actually want to do. Putting phones away doesn't mean you have to organize another game.

Example: phone plan for a Saturday movie and games night

This is an illustrative example. The times are made up, so change them to fit your own party.

Say a 15-year-old is hosting friends from 6:00 to 9:30 p.m., with pizza, games and then a movie. The invitation says phones go in a labelled basket by the front door from the start of the games until the movie ends, and that guests can get theirs any time to contact a parent. It also asks guests to save posts until after the party and to ask before tagging anyone, and gives a parent's contact number.

At about 6:30, after pizza, guests put phones in the basket and the games begin. One guest says at the door that they need their phone nearby to check in with home. That was arranged privately before the party, so they keep it. During the games, another guest takes their phone out and starts scrolling. The teen host asks quietly whether they need to contact someone, then points to the basket. When the guest keeps going, the teen asks the parent to have a private word.

The movie finishes at about 9:15, and phones come back as guests pack up for pickup at 9:30. Getting phones back doesn't mean posting can start. When the parent hands them out, they remind everyone to save posts until after the party, and even then to ask the people in a photo before sharing or tagging it. If this were a sleepover, the invitation would also give the evening hand-in time, how guests can reach their phone overnight and the morning return time.

Checklist before guests arrive

Run through this list with your teen, ideally about a week before the party, or before you send invitations if they go out earlier. Write the answers down if you'd like a copy beside the basket, but leave individual guests' private needs off anything shared.

• When phones go in the basket and when they come back
• Where the labelled basket is, somewhere guests can reach their own phones
• That guests can call or message a parent whenever they need to
• Phone rule, posting window, contact number and start and finish times included in the invitation
• Any guest's need to keep a phone with them agreed privately
• Who will take photos and how you'll ask guests whether they want to be in them
• An activity ready for guests to join once phones are away
• Who will have a private word if a reminder isn't enough
• For a sleepover: evening hand-in time, overnight access and morning return time
• At return time: remind guests to ask before posting or tagging anyone

Sources and further reading

• Teen Party Phone Rules That Do Not Kill the Mood

Related questions

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• How do I handle party photos and guests’ permission to share them?
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