How can we celebrate a grandparent’s birthday from far away?

Ask your grandparent how they would like to celebrate

Before you post anything or set up a group call, ask what they would enjoy. That could be a family video call, separate phone calls from each household, or a quiet day with a card and a treat. A short call can be the whole celebration if that is what they want. Find out when they are usually free and whether they would like anyone nearby to be with them.

If it's a milestone birthday and they've said they don't want a party, respect that, even if relatives expect more. You could ask whether they'd enjoy a meal together or a day to themselves. Celebrating someone who doesn't want a party offers ideas.

Ask before arranging deliveries or a surprise group call. Some people love a surprise. Others would rather know who is calling and when. If they prefer time alone, plan the day around an activity they choose, and keep your part to a card or a short call.

For a seventieth or eightieth birthday, you can adapt a favorite meal or a photo-album idea. A relative who lives nearby could join them for tea while the rest of the family calls. A short toast or a memory card works well too, and neither needs a big gathering.

What grandchildren can make and post

Give each child a card of their own to draw and sign. A child who can't write yet can tell an adult what to write. Put names on the back of loose drawings so your grandparent knows who made each one.

For a written message, ask the child, “What would you like to tell Grandma or Grandpa?” Write down the answer as they say it, without turning it into a formal greeting. For example, “I liked making pancakes with you” is more personal than a message copied from a shop card. Add the child’s name and the date. If they also record a voice message, send it separately using something your grandparent already uses. The paper message should still make sense on its own.

You could also take a photo of the children holding a handmade “Happy Birthday” sign and order a print to post. Write names and a short caption on the back. Only include a frame or stand if you know they have somewhere to put it.

Order an extra print or keep the photo in a family album so you have your own copy without posting it online. Write the date and a short caption with it. Preserving birthday memories without posting children online has more ideas.

Before posting, check the address and any building delivery instructions. Write “Save for your birthday” on the envelope if you want it opened on the day.

Eat birthday cake together on the call

Ask what cake or other treat they would like. Contact a bakery near them to confirm the order, the delivery or collection date, any food requirements and who will receive it. A relative nearby could collect it instead. At your end, have a cake, a cupcake or another treat on the table. The two households don't need matching cakes.

When you contact the bakery, confirm the order deadline, designs, payment and pickup or delivery time. If they can't make the date, ask about ready-made cakes or individual desserts. Choosing and ordering a birthday cake covers these checks.

Set the call time for the actual birthday. Check the time zone in both places for that date, then put the date, local time and location in each invitation. Don't assume the time difference stays the same when clocks change. If the call crosses midnight in one place, write both local dates.

For a call, the call link or dial-in details replace an address. Check the message for leftover template text and keep both local dates and times. What to include in a birthday invitation offers a full check.

Illustrative example: if you have checked that your grandparent is six hours ahead of you on that date, a 10 a.m. call for you is 4 p.m. for them. This shows how to work it out. It isn't a conversion for any particular cities. Pick another time if either household would be asleep, at work or in the middle of a meal.

Worked example: a 20-minute birthday call

This illustrative plan runs from 4:00 to 4:20 p.m. in the grandparent’s local time. Join a few minutes early to get connected. Those minutes are not counted in the schedule. The five parts add up to 20 minutes (3 + 5 + 5 + 5 + 2). Stay on longer if everyone wants to, or finish early. You don't have to get through every part.

Test the call on their device

If you can, use an app they already know. The day before, do a test call on the device they will use on the birthday. Check that they can answer, hear you and see the picture. Agree where the device will sit, with the charger nearby, so they don't have to hold it the whole time.

You could say: “Can we try tomorrow’s call now? I’ll ring the same way. Can you hear me comfortably? Can you see everyone? Let’s leave the tablet on this table so you can use it there tomorrow.”

Choose one family member to start the call and deal with any connection problems, so several people aren't giving instructions at once. A successful test helps, but it doesn't guarantee the connection will work on the day.

Arranging help at a care home or at home

At home, ask your grandparent where they would like to sit and what help they want with the parcel, the cake or the device. With their agreement, put the things they will use within reach. Let them decide whether a shorter call or fewer people would be easier to enjoy.

For an activity, a question game played out loud or children showing their drawings works well on a call. Games that need people to move around or need extra supplies usually don't work over video.

Gifts that arrive ready to use

If they suit your grandparent, you could send flowers delivered locally, a printed photo book, a bakery order or a magazine subscription. Check the delivery terms, and for a subscription the ongoing terms, yourself. A gift that needs an account, assembly or a trip to collect it may need someone local to help. Arrange that help before you send it.

You can also give time together. A relative who lives nearby could offer lunch or an outing your grandparent wants, with the date and transport agreed. If the family is thinking about visiting later, compare dates, travel and costs before anyone books.

If you're planning a later visit, write down the possible dates, travel arrangements and costs before anyone books. Celebrating with family who live far apart covers picking a date people can travel for, separate from the birthday call.

Birthday checklist

These are suggested stages, not delivery deadlines. Start earlier if the carrier or local arrangements need more time.

A printable birthday checklist can hold delivery dates, who's sending what and call details for each household. Skip venue and arrival sections that don't apply to a celebration from a distance.

• About three weeks before: ask how your grandparent would like to celebrate, get the children started on their cards, confirm the address and check delivery rules (including the care home’s, if relevant).
• Once you know how long delivery takes: choose the posting date, send the parcel and photograph the cards first.
• Book any local treat and agree who will receive it.
• Put the call’s date and local time in every household’s calendar, with both local dates if it crosses midnight.
• Choose who starts the call, and confirm any local helper.
• The day before: test the device, check whether the parcel has arrived and keep the phone number for the fallback call handy.
• On the birthday: join a little early, keep cards and treats nearby, and let your grandparent decide how long the call lasts.

Sources and further reading

• How to Celebrate a Grandparent’s Birthday Long Distance

Related questions

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